We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
