wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
