i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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