i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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