Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize