Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
