i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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