Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
