just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
