This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
