She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
