Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Holy shit dude........stairs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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