New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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