Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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