hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
