he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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