I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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