tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
