Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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