Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
