I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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