The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
