well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize
