Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
