the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
