So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
