Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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