Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
