I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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