I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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