Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
