just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
