i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
