If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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