Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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