I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
