why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
