I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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