Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
