i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
