she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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