hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
