Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
should my penis look like a turkey
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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