I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
