I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
