I think I died a long time ago.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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