FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
