Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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