The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
