Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
