Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
