Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the condom got lost in my hair
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
