Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
