do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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