Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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