I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
