I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
