He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
