You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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