I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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