She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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