i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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