So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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