Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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