You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
