I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
