you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
