Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
